Sometimes in a conversation, I get carried away with a topic. I follow my different ideas, ask questions, and answer them myself. My mind wanders, particularly if it’s a topic with many perspectives and I have had a drink!
It’s all about me
This is not a “good” conversation, this usually occurs with Masami or friends who are patient enough to listen. It’s more like thinking aloud than a conversation which is quite selfish of me unless the listener is interested in my thought procedure.
However, I wouldn’t do this with people I don’t know well. It sounds self-obsessed and shows a lack of interest in the other person’s point of view; their voice isn’t important. How rude! I apologise to those who didn’t want to listen to one of my rambling monologues. A monologue is not a conversation.
It’s all about you
The opposite of this is only to ask questions to the listener, “How are you? What’s new? What do you think about…? Why? How did it make you feel?” This is more like an interview at best and an interrogation at worst with all these direct questions. “Where were you on the night of the murder?” Again, it’s one-sided, only the listener’s answers are being shared as the speaker is only providing questions without sharing their thoughts or feelings.
Japanese way of English language
From my experience, a monologue is similar to the Japanese way of a conversation, the only response from the listener is to “agree” or give no response. It’s part of Japanese communication.
Japanese people who have learnt some English are often more likely to practise the interview/interrogation technique.
I have experienced direct questions from Japanese people without them revealing much about themselves. I felt like it was an exercise of Q&A without “hearing” my answer or sharing anything about themselves. Of course, I remedied this with my follow-up questions.
Interacting in English
An English conversation isn’t a monologue nor an interrogation, it’s an interaction. Thinking, feeling, and sharing are part of the conversation as speaking and listening are.
For better conversations in English ask nicely and show genuine interest. Not being interested in the conversation topic is not a problem, be interested in the person and how they feel about the topic. Change the conversation to a connected topic to make connections and friendships. Have a balanced conversation.
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